Bogans

When one thinks of the 4th of July one might conjure up images of family picnics, patriotic parades, concerts, fireworks and a reason to wave the American flag. Unfortunately, our 26 of January has been overrun by Bogans. According to Wiki, a bogan is usually pejorative or self-depreciating description of an Australian (pronounced as ‘straaain’ in bonan-speak) who is recognised to be from a lower class background or someone whose limited education, speech, clothing, attitude and behaviour exemplifies such a background.

An Australian Day Favorite of the Bogan

Easily spotted, they will drape the Aussie flag over their shoulders like it’s some magical cape, drink far more alcohol than is medically safe, and educate anyone within earshot on why all foreigners who come to Australia should learn to speak English – ironically.

“Aussie Day”, as they call it, is a holy day for Bogans who descend onto picnic areas en mass, and reserve large areas of prime firework vantage point by laying out numerous picnic blankets, just in case their whole neighbourhood should happen to be in the area.  Gett’n fark’n smaaashed is the order of the day, and the usual behavioural pattern will follow something along the lines of Happy Drunk, Loud Drunk, Obnoxious Drunk, Angry Drunk, Violent Drunk, Arrested Drunk. The ripped Aussie Pride shirt is almost always a certainty.

Invasion Day

Australian Aboriginals have a slightly different take on Australia Day. For white Australia, Australia day is a day marked by self-determination and high-acheivement. For black Australia, it is a day that represents the loss of nation, of dependence, and subjection under the “white fella”, and it is these different experiences that have divided our nation for so long. As White Australia slowly recognises and acknowledges this unfortunate historic reality through the process of reconciliation, the continued celebration of colonialism will do nothing to expedite the aforementioned process.

Aboriginal Australian WW2 hero "Regi" Saunders

So why not celebrate Australia on other days? ANZAC Day is a logical choice. On the 25th of April 1915 the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) experienced their baptism of fire on the shores of the Gallipoli peninsula in southern Turkey, and many argue that it was on this day that a nation was forged. The love affair with King and Country also ended during the course of World War One and Australia transformed from obsequious Anglophile to proud Antepodes.  ANZAC day for me represents a day that I’m truely proud to be Australian. Not because of our “glorious military past”, on the contrary, ANZAC day that is absolutely anti-war, but it is a day we truely get to reflect on our past and learn from the mistakes we’ve made – it is a progressive day.

Sadly, I don’t feel the same spirit on Australia day. The good folk down at Juice Media have probably summed it up best in their wicked Rap-media video called “Australia Day”:

I’m just not savvy with Patriotism

William Ralph Inge once said, a nation is a society united by a delusion about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbours. All of us are guilty of this. I’ve just tapped on Australia’s ancestry delusion above: not all ANZAC’s conveniently fitted into the forefather mould of the efficient and dependable larrikin, and in fact quite a few of the original ANZAC’s weren’t Aussies at all. What really bothers me about patriotism is when “love of country” acts as a xenophobic mantra for those blinded by ill-informed beliefs. Let it be clear that there is nothing wrong with loving your country – I love Australia for many reasons, including this wonderful lifestyle I am able to lead – but I recognise that it does have flaws and  feel equally privileged to be Australian because I can openly air my views without fear of persecution. Patriotism to me sounds a bit fanatical, tis all.

So, for me Australia Day is no 4th of July. I might celebrate it with a quiet beer and a snag (sausage), but I’m not going to demonstrate any patriotic zeal or paint the Aussie flag on my face, I’ll leave that to the bogans. I’ll leave you with Dr. Charile Teo’s Australia Day address, which is a wonderful example of love of one’s country and honest reflection. 

I now prance around the office with a wordsmith’s zeal of the likes only the mollygrubs resent and the gormless lament; and like a gun-slinging wordsmith, I’ve been finding little if any excuse to fire one away, sotto voce, of course. For instance: Bureausis, the inability to cope with even the most reasonable rules and regulations, is a favorite of mine (Man, major bureausis today – going to lunch early); Bladdercock, the use of one’s bladder as an alarm clock, just sounds cool (Dude, my bladdercock made me sleep in today, damned…bladdercock 0.o); and, floccinaucinihilipilification, meaning to estimate is worthless, and “surprisingly” the longest word in the Oxford dictionary, is just, well long (Boss, Tom’s proposal is based on….. floccinaucinihilipilification…. What, you say?….. Exactly!).

But now I’d like to focus our attention on that funny little word we all know as Punk. Today we mostly associate it with vile little twerps or Ashton Kutcher (also a homonym of vile little twerp), but Paul Dickson has dug deep and discovered a broader usage for Punk across space and time:

Punk (Army). Pre-World War One slang for a loaf of break. e.g. “You there, Private, I need a punk to chew on. Oh look, a swallow!”

Punk (Australian) Sea wood, drift wood. e.g. “Crickey! There’s enough punk here to sink the Titanic..”

Punk (Liquor) Bad or inferior liquor e.g. “I think I just got punked *hiccup”

Punk (Ebonics) Homosexual …. nope, not touching this one.

Punk (boxing) A poor or worn-out fighter.  e.g. “No one ever dare call Mohammad Ali a punk, even though he was a bit of a one.”

Punk. Bunk. Insincerity

Punk (Carnival) A toy cat used in a game

Punk (Chinese) Insect repellent. e.g. Sum dum bug chew mah bum. Where Punk hai yaaah?

Punk, Cigarette, cigar

Punk (Circus) A young circus animal, such as a lion

Punk (College) Below par.

Punk (College) A box sent from home with goodies in it (turn of 20^th century usage) e.g. Mother sent me a punk full of brandy and coke. How naughteh!

Punk (Construction). New guy

Punk (Criminal) Low-level thief; apprentice hoodlum (my definition of a punk in insult terms)

Punk, a harlot or prostitute

Punk, a homosexual who travels with an older man

Punk (horse racing) an inferior rider

Punk, an insignificant person, a nobody

Punk, a new nihilism, which began in the mid-70’s; what Life termed “hip nihilism” – not so new anymore, given that this book was published 30 years ago.

Punk (photography) a photographer’s assistant

Punk (Prison speak) an informer, an inmate who can’t do his time well, a prisoners bitch

Punk, a punctured tire (late 19^th century slang) e.g. I’ve just punked my tyre I say…

Punk, a stick covered with a slow-burn paste commonly used to light fireworks

Punk (culture) music, dress, hair and manner of the Punk Rock culture

Punk (Theatre) A young actor (a juve) e.g. Ashton Kutcher

Punk, to be very poor

Punk, a verb, to procure

Punk (measure) a think of no value, worthless

Punk, a young man or young Elephant.

One can surmise that regardless of the brevity of use, to be called a Punk is to more than likely to be insulted. It looks like it’s a bit unfair for the young photographer’s assistant and actor, but that’s life. Punk up or Punk off.

I guess I’ve become a bit of a curmudgeon traveller. When I was younger everything was so novel and exciting: Wow, the different smells, so exotic; the cultural cuisine, so yummy; the language, I so want to understand. These days the heterogeneity just vexes me: the smells usually mean a lack of appropriate drainage; the food will lead to inevitable toilet hugging; and I find it unreasonably frustrating that no one speaks a lick of Engrish.

Anyway, the ‘old days’ would be an impossible venture with my new wife, who thinks roughing it means sleeping in a 3-star hotel; and when it comes to travelling she’s like the proverbial German passenger - Zee train must run on tyme. But Elsa has trustingly, and a little naively, left the non-city arrangements up to me in planning for our European Sojourn in June. We have agreed that I get the hinterlands and she gets the cities – she follows me on battlefield tours, I follow her into Luis Vuitton, no complaining. Tuff ask.

For my leg of the French expedition we’ll be spending most of our time in Normandy. So here’s what I’ve managed to organise. Let me know your thoughts or ideas. I haven’t included Paris as this is her turf and I’ve been told to ‘back off”.

Day 1: Bayeux

We arrive to Caen in the morning via Ferry from Portsmouth England, which leaves the previous night – I booked a two-berth cabin with en suite (probably more like a toilet of the likes you find on aircraft). Anyhoo, we will arrive at Bayeux around 730am-830am’ish. We check into the quaint Hotel Reine Mathilde, located in the heart of everything it would seem.

The main attraction of this day will be to take Elsa to Mont Saint-Michel, a place Elsa particularly wants to visit. As you can see from the picture, St. Michel is the mother of all Sand Castles and it looks beautiful. Apart from taking in all the sites and filling up our memory stick with photo’s, a friend tells me that to sit in the local town with cheese, bread and wine of a type unpronouncable in English, is simply devine. No tour required. We’re going freestyle on this one.  If time and energy permits, I’ll take wife to the famous Bayeux Tapestry, depicting the events leading up to the Norman invasion of England, and the Museum of the Battle of Normandy – it begins…

Day 2: Normandy Battlefields Tour – American Sites

Oh, Elsa’s going to “love” this, all nine hours of it We’ll get picked up at our hotel and visit the American D-Day sites, including Utah beach, Omaha beach, the Airborne Museum of Saint-Mere to name but a few. It also happens to fall on the anniversary of the landings, which, for any dilettante military historian, is better than porn. The tour website seemed like the most updated of all I visited and the feedback it receives appears quite praising of the tour guides’ knowledge and insight.

Day 3: Rouen and Amiens

This is where I’ve made somewhat of a boo-boo. We’ll be leaving by train from Caen to Rouen first thing in the morning, the only problem being that we’re not staying in Caen, we’ll be staying in Bayeux. Given the time of the train, public transport is not an option. Journey by car is only about 25 minutes but Dr. Google has informed me that the cab fare is horrendous. Lesson learnt here.

We arrive at the city of Rouen around midday. And this is where it gets a bit personal. My Great Uncle, who was killed in the Great War, is buried in Rouen, so Elsa and I will spend the morning at his grave and check out the city itself. Then we train it to Amiens, where I plan on giving Elsa a deserved break from battlefields, graves, Museums etc, and she can do whatever she pleases – as long as it involves battlefields, graves or museums (only kidding 0.o.)

So the next day I’ll coax her into checking out the local countryside and spend some time in a small village called Villers-Bretonneux, which coincidently is where my Great Uncle was wounded by shrapnel, which ultimately lead to his demise. In the afternoon we board a train to Paris, where I am sure Elsa will exact her revenge.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 10,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

On the 8^th of September BP Plc released its official report into the Deepwater Horizon oil rig explosion. The report claimed that no single factor caused the oil spill but that decisions were made by “multiple companies and work teams” that contributed to the accident that arose from “a complex and interlinked series of mechanical failures, human judgments, engineering design, operational implementation and team interfaces.” The report was met with huge criticism: it was self-serving and a way to distribute blame was the common disparagement. (Risk Management Magazine 2010; Nalon 2010)

The three parties complicit in the Deepwater explosion are Transocean (owner and operator of the drilling rig), BP (leasing the rig at the time) and Halliburton (contracted by BP to operate the rig).

I’m no fan of Halliburton, let me be clear about this from the start – I view them as nothing more than a slew of Republican cronies and donors who like to dress-up in fatigues on weekends, think that “gerns don’t kiell peeepel, peeepel kiell peeepel,” and worship the ground Bush Administration Vice-President Dick Chaney walks on (he used to run Halliburton… ever wonder how they won the contract for Iraq?). But are they souly responsible for the Deepwater explosion, fire, death of 11 men, and an oil spill that has cost BP 20m usd. Well, BP thinks so. I’m not so sure.

Halliburton was contracted by BP to, inter alia,  cement Deepwater’s drill holes. In very, very sum terms, the process involved the drilling of a hole, inserting a case into that whole, and then cementing the casing to ensure no leaks. According to an AFP report:

BP alleges that Halliburton used defoaming and dispersant additives that should not be used with foamed cement slurry it used to seal the bottom of the Macondo well, and the contractor failed to inform BP of problems with the slurry, both before and after the incident.

Consequently, BP has filed a case in the federal court in New Orleans, with its lead trail attorney, Don Heycraft, saying the oil company seeks “the amount of costs and expenses incurred by BP to clean up and remediate the oil spill, the lost profits from and/or diminution in value of the Macondo prospect, and all other costs and damages incurred by BP related to the Deepwater Horizon incident and resulting oil spill”.

However, from my understanding this is a case of ‘the pot calling the kettle black’, of BP living in a glass house and throwing stones. A BP document, provided to The New York Times by a Congressional investigator, revealed that BP officials knowingly and complicity chose a type of casing – the very same filled by Halliburton – that was known to be the riskier of two options: the paper said that if the cement around the casing pipe did not seal properly, gases could escape, where only a single seal would serve as a barrier. If the less riskier option was chosen, the casing pipe would have provided two barriers. The reason for the riskier of the two options:  the “best economic case,” according to the BP paper.

So what is all this bollocks BP is bemoaning about? Two wrongs don’t make a right here, and had the BP officials been more Ethical than Ebenezer in their choice of casing, not only would it have given them a moral leg to stand on, but it might have even prevented the explosion all together – even if Halliburton still used the dodgy cement.

Apparently criminal charges will be laid. Furthermore, the US Government slapped the three companies with citations in October 2012, stating they had all breached state oil production regulations, with hefty fines expected to follow. So I guess they can squabble all they want. Public opinion was formed long ago.  But honestly, what’s BP trying to achieve here, to recover costs, to share some of the expense, to expose the malefic practices of a company well-known for its ethically malficent behavior? Probably all of the above. But honestly, what hypocrites.

Nevertheless, I think I have found a solution, and I’d like to share it with my fellow “frill” seekers. The other day I was in a department store with wife, looking at a beautiful crystal tumbler and dec set for my brother, who I want to buy something that will last a while. The price however, almost sent me into a temporary, hypochondria-like mental condition. I asked the venerable shop assist if there was any way she could do me a better deal (like by about 2/3′s I was thinking). To my horror, she informed me that the price was already reduced, and I felt the onset of a migraine. What she said next, however, made the invisible light-bulb above my head flick on vigorously.

T&D set in question

She gave me a tip that will potentially save me hundreds of dollars. Her advice was to come to the store on Christmas Eve. The Boxing day sales start first thing on Boxing day morning, and so prices would have to be marked down on the evening of the 24th, before closing time - and she gave me another tip, that crystal tumbler and decanter set I wanted would be reduced from the already discounted price of $599 to $199!! The Scrooge inside me was doing the happy-dance.

So my advice to you all would be to head down to your local department store this Christmas Eve, maybe about an hour or so before closing, and see if you can get yourself a boxing day bargain, and embrace your Ebenezer inside of you while satisfying the need to give something lovely to someone special.

Footnote: Elsa and I went to the department store at six pm, after being told it would remain open a little later on Xmas eve. This was not the case, and it shut at 6pm on the dot. And while they may have done this to re-price everything, one can only speculate, and I still believe had we gotten their a little earlier, it could have been ours. As it was, we went away on holiday so we missed the boxing day sales, and all had been sold when we went back there on the weekend. Such is life.

Graduate Careers Australia survey report

Graduate Careers Australia released its annual survey data on graduate employment for 2011. (Summary of report here) Around 168,000 graduates participated in the survey, which extended to four months beyond graduation. Key finds are as below:

• 76.6 per cent of the 2010 National Class found work by May 2011 – almost identical to the previous year (76.2 per cent);
• In context: 85.2 per cent of graduates found full-time employment within four months of graduating in 2008;
• Evidence that impact of GFC is lingering;
• Median starting salary for graduates aged less than 25 increased by almost $1,000 to $50,000 p.a. Engineering bucked the trend, with graduates earning on average around $65,000;
• Mining Engineering graduates were found to be the most successful group of students to find full-time employment after graduating (98.2 per cent). This was followed by Medicine (98 per cent) and Pharmacy (97.3 per cent).  About 85 per cent of Geology graduates found work within four months of graduating;
• Women were more likely to find full-time work (76.8 per cent) than men (76.1 per cent) after graduating;
• One in five graduates goes onto further studies.

Mining Engineers are the clear winners here. One can go further and propose that the 2 per cent not gainfully employed are either doing their gap year or pursuing further studies. Still, it remains a challenge to get students interested in a career in mining and more work needs to be done by myself and others to demonstrate the intensely awesome experiences (my boss’ term) they have on our programs, and in industry.

Murdoch’s new VC aims high

In this article, The Australian reporter Bernard Lane chats to Murdoch’s new VC, Richard Higgot about Murdoch’s direction next year. In summary, Higgot is looking to “slim down the curriculum” in order to boost research, and by default the central coffers.  He also feels that the University needs to revert back to its core research strengths. 

On the Education Management side of things Higgot wants to institute a flatter organisational structure, like one he successfully implemented at Warwick University, by reducing the size of Murdoch’s executive leadership team. It is suggested that Pro-vice chancellors will be left out.

Canberra Merger Canned

The plan to merge the University of Canberra and Canberra Institute of Technology appear to have been flushed south, along with UC’s alternative plan for a polytechnic. The Australian article speaks of a “confidential brief” sent to the two education provides, proposing “a new type of tertiary institution,” neither higher education nor VET, but would instead “produce a new range of course offerings which are not competency based but competency influenced.” While awaiting the outcome of the ACT’s decision, it looks more likely that instead of a merger or the UC’s polytechnic, it’s going to become some sort of joint-venture ensuring neither institute poaches into their educational space, i.e. higher education and VET.  

The Lomax-Smith base funding review

Further to the plethora of articles about the Lomax-Smith HE Base Funding Review, I found this article of interest on The Conversation website, titled Fairness of Higher Education Base Funding Review’s fee policy questioned. The article is based largely on the opinion of Grattan Institute’s HE program director, Andrew Norton, believes that the review’s dismissal of any argument supporting the current government practice of varying the level of support across disciplines as “the single weakest aspect of the report.”

What the review proposes is that all students should contribute 40% towards their total education debt, regardless of discipline or skills shortage associated with that discipline, e.g. mining engineering. The review asserts that program costs are not a motivating factor when prospective students select their higher education course – which reminded me of a Christopher Hitchen’s quote, “That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”  Under current arrangements, Engineering and Survey students contribute approximately $8,050 towards their placement annually. If the 40% contribution recommendation is to be taken up by Government, then these students will have to pay $9,613.20, an increase of around $1,500 per year.

I was checking out some LinkedIn news today when I came across this article by Daniel Terdiman, about IBM’s annual five-year technology prediction, where five “game-changing” innovations are presented for their anticipated impact on modern-day life. According to IBM, “[w]e access not just the availability of a new technology but also the likelihood of its large-scale adoption.” The five are listed below:

1. People will create their own energy. For example, they will be able to charge their phone when going for a bike ride or any sort of activity that produces heat.  The aim here is to one day be able to power your homes, offices and cities.
2. Biometric Passwords will revolutionize accessing information. Trying to remember all our passwords because silly systems require constant updating will be a thing of the past. IBM predicts our biological make-up will be the key to safeguarding our information. Think biometrics such as retinal scans and voice files.
3. The digital divide will cease to exist. In five years 80 per cent of this Earth’s 7 billion inhabitants will own a mobile phone. IBM believes this will help to serve small villages and communities with commerce, health care and serving their community.
4. Junk mail will become priority mail. According to IBM’s prediction, data that is important and relevent to you will be brought to you without you having to ask. Examples include your phone informing you that your favorite band is in town and that tickets are reserved, or that a looming storm is approaching and to get your cloths inside.
5. Finally, IBM’s mad scientists are working towards linking our brain to our devices. In five years IBM predicts early adaptations of this technology that will allow doctors, for example, to better understand brain functions and treat disorders such as autism. IBM’s goal in this space is to be able to control software with one’s thoughts.

This stuff sounds awesome, but…

Man Power: How awesome would it be to power our own homes? Ok, maybe not initially, but the way power companies charge (pardon the pun) I’d be more than happy to get on my bike and do a few laps of the old block to power my blackberry – finally, technology that gets us off our arses.

Biometric Passwords: Every semester my University requires me to change my password. Currently I have no access to my University account because I haven’t got a freak’n clue what my password is… can’t be similar to my last one, have to use a number and a symbol… blaaah. I really see some good uptake with this technology, but I think they’d really need to work to get the early adaptations right, because if there is a quick uptake and bugs aren’t found before hand, it could wreak some major havoc!!

Cellphones for all…hmmm: Sounds awesome, but let’s put this in perspective a little. According to the International Telecommunication Union (ITU), in 2009 there were 6.8 billion inhabitants on Planet Earth and 4.8 billion mobile devices, which is 68 per cent of the world population. ITU similarly predicted an 80 per cent uptake, although they envisaged this to be achieved by 2010. One must ask themselves where IBM, and similar projections, get their numbers from? Yes, it is quite easy to hand a villager a handset, but it is quite the other to provide the technological infrastructure and the personnel and government support to make the handset of any use.

“Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, don’t look around my eyes, look into my eyes.” Cheapskate Clairvoyants everywhere should feel a little nervous. IBM’s new thought-reading technology will mean that traditional clairvoyant tools such as tea leaves, the palm and the faithful crystal ball will have to be upgraded to redbull, the iPad and a powerful processor. The mysterious look they can keep. I think the early adaptations suggested by IBM have some currency here, especially with medical scientists who can use it to learn more about the brain and ailments such as autism. Thereafter it all gets a bit grey methinks. How will one regulate such technology in advanced manifestations? “I didn’t mean to send out all those Nigerian Scam emails, I was only thinking about it, I didn’t even know the computer was reading my mind…”.

Will Big Blue really dominate the information age? A tad dramatic maybe, but being that we’re talking about creativity, it is within the code of probability that technology may well begin to start controlling what we think, what we do. Think about this, the junk mail prediction suggests that technology will match our values, needs, motivators and influences with stuff we find interesting; and whether we want it or not we will have to decide whether to endorse it or not. By endorsing it, this technology has tapped into our circuitry and influenced our hardware. And we see on social media sites, such as Facebook, that it’s happening to a degree already. So add a little bit of suggestive reasoning, with a dash of mind reading, and you have yourself the ultimate hack program. Ever watched Little Britain, where that miserable bank clerk refuses every customer request with a doleful, “the computer says nooooo….”.

While I’m not the poet type, his appellation, Dear Leader, constantly reminds me of a Walt Whitlam poem, which I’ve bastardised below to befit the occasion. O’ Leader, Dear Leader is a spin on Walt Whitman’s famous poem of similar title:

O Leader! Dear Leader! your fearful trip is done;
The train has weathered every track, the prize you sought is none;
The port is bear, the shops are scarce, a nation in confinement,
While follow eyes the broken keel, the vessel grim and silent:

But O hoorah! hoorah! hoorah!
O the clenched fist to the chest,
Where on the train my Dear Leader lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Poor Mugabe must be feeling quite isolated these days. Given my deep concern on this matter I thought I’d play a Nando’s advert, “Last Dictator Standing,” in his honour: